1024 x 768 Vol 1

Escape from the 1024×768

“In through the nose, out through the nose.  Use the stomach as a tunnel to move air.  Suck it in to your spine.  Head up! now tuck your right leg behind your left year while flexing your foot.  I said flex not point.”  Oh it is hard to concentrate right now.  I don’t know which way is up, rather than the difference between flex and point.  But my Yoga teacher, she comes over to physically move my foot into the position she commanded.  It’s 6:45pm on a Monday, I’ve been at work since 7:30am and I’m exhausted from just about everything. You see I go climbing and hiking (Well more like approaching.  Hiking is basically a long approach to nowhere, but my destination was the cliffs)  every weekend, all weekend.  Saturday I wake up at 7:30 in the morning, toast my English muffin, fry my egg, and drink my Tazo Loose Green Leaf Tea.  Then my girlfriend, Kelley, and I met up with two friends and head North 2hrs, for a day of technical rock climbing.  I forgot to mention, I get an half hour of cartoons in before we leave.  Jackie Chan, entertaining, funny, action packed.  It has jokes for adults and many colors for children.  The man’s a genius.  Right, um, climbing.  My com-padres, Andy and Dan, are always in rare form, typical as warm Ice Cream.

Andy, a blah blah blah technical geek for Fidelity, jut got back from a two week work trip to London.  60hrs a week of work, Beer, and Turkish coffee had it’s tole.  He only got to go climbing on the weekends, weight lift in the hotel late at night, and email everyone 10 times an hour.  Most people of the sane normal persuasion would consider that a satiated week.  Andy is 5’4, 135 pounds of energy and muscle.  Similar to a Jack Russell Terrier, he has a small body and a big strong heart.  It takes about 1/5 the time, compared to everyone else, for his muscles to get blood, so his metabolism and energy are moving quite quickly.  He has been known to go to Casino’s on Friday nights until 3am, lose his shirt, and make it to the crags at 8:00am ready to go.

“Hey dude, we just Genetically mapped a frog yesterday.  We did the North American black squirrel last week.”  I wouldn’t be too far off if that was the typical statement from Dan.  “I mapped your mom” would be more of my retort.  “My precious, oooh my precious.”  –Lord of the rings, Golem.  Last weekend at Acadia National Park, we were so glamorously entertained, in between Boulder problems, by Dan’s marvelous reenactment of such a fine character.  Leaping around between rocks on all fours, stumbling into individuals of our group, reciting the famous proclamation.

“You see. This finger had to be sewed back on after rock fall smashed and cut it off.”  Dan’s not climbing all weekend.  He tweaked his finger a week previous at the end of a 7hr bouldering session.  Now he’s reading a book on finger injuries and happily scaring the chalk off our hands.  Christ, thank god we have 5 foam pads below him.  The rock landings here suck!  Andy takes a superb back fall about 10 feet up after missing the horizontal dynamic jump move.  He’s fine, cut all the tips on his left hand though.  Either way he stuck the move, and sent the climb the next day.  It’s going to hurt to type all week.

Did you know lobsters only have three senses!  Really!  One to move the right claw, open shut, open shut.  The second to move the left claw, open shut, open shut.  The third sense!  Well that is to move both claws rapidly while screaming, “TOO HOT, TOO DAMN HOT.”  Did you know I have 5 senses.  One   to hear the waitress ask for my order, one to see the boiled lobster, one to touch the boiled lobster, one to smell the boiled lobster, and one to taste the delectable boiled lobster.  Weekends in Bar Harbor, Me are not complete until you feast on the local food.

“AAAH, AAAARRRG.  CHRIST.  DAMMIT”  The screams can be heard cliff side.  Jesus what a sound coming from such a cute pretty thing.  “C’mon Kel.  Yah Kel get it.  Jump, JUMP!” are the screams from the 10 or so on lookers.  She pumps once, pumps twice, and fly’s.  Her hand hits the top, latches it, body swings right, and she comes flailing off.  Defeated in all her glory, she still has accomplished quite a bit.  Kelley has been attempting to jump from the ground to the top of the boulder, about a 5 foot distance.  I hard move for most people trying it. Oh, she’s 5’4.  10 tries later, about 30 in total, she finally complies with nagging muscle pain and bleeding toe.  “We’re coming back this summer, right guys?  When are we coming back?  Should I try just one more time?”, can be heard all the way back to the car.

I smile as I think back to the weekend and I frown as I focus back on going over this “Operational Technology Plan.”  My eyes are red from staring at this screen all day, this 1024×768 resolution.  Hmm, or it was the sweat from the inferno they call a yoga room.  “Russ are you coming to bed yet, it’s late.  12:30 I think?”  “Just a little longer Kel, I have to get this done!  Oh by the way, can you come bouldering tomorrow night?  We’re driving up to the North Shore for a late night session.  We’ll have to leave at 6 to get there by 7.”

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